Skip to content

Fashion Bollocks:

March 28, 2010

The generalization is mostly true: No one talks as much bullshit as fashion people. Vacuous, vicious and as ‘real’ as an episode of The Hills or The City – don’t be fooled when called ‘darling’. Below are some decoded sugar-coated lies.

MODEL BULLSHIT

what they say “The model is running late because she can’t find oyster card/passport/house keys. She will be with you ASAP” what they meanYou’ll be lucky if she makes an appearance. Girlfriend was shitfaced last night and couldn’t tell her nose from her ears”

what they say  “She’s not available for shows or editorials right now, she is finishing school and working to get her degree in art history” what they mean She’s been eating peanut butter with a spoon, sample sizes would burst at the seams and Louboutins would snap”

what they say “She can’t shoot on those dates, she is on holiday with her family” what they meanShe is in rehab.”

PR BULLSHIT

what they say “The designer is not available for interviews right now. He’s in a very creative state of mind” what they mean “This is probably not the best time to articulate a sentence out of the man. He is so far gone, he’s currently talking to his pet fish about what he should do for next season”

what they say “I’m afraid you can’t shoot Look 23, 26 or 32 as they are currently with a very important A-list celebrity” what they mean “Your mediocre little magazine will be lucky if we allow you to shoot a pair of knickers from us”

what they say “That sounds like that could be an interesting idea. Send me an email about it” what they mean “I won’t read the email and I will keep pretending I didn’t receive it until you give up and disappear”

what they say “You can have that suit on set for half a day but I will need to send a bike over to pick it up at noon to be sent over to Vogue” what they mean “If I pretend this collection is actually coveted I hopefully won’t lose this client”

EDITOR BULLSHIT

what they say  “The collection looks great. It’s not quite right for the story I am currently working on but fingers crossed sometime in the near future” what they mean “Who’s the stylist here? I know what I want to shoot so thankyouverymuch. Now fuck off and stop calling me.”

what they say  “I though the continuation of the exploration of last season’s mood was uncanny. The attention to detail and they layering was otherworldly” what they meanGet your blasted Dictaphone out of my face. I am running out of intellectual things to say about Armani. I hated the collection  and I am SOO hungry”

what they say “I am just rushing off to a meeting with the new design team at **** and need you to check over and file that final copy for me” what they mean I’m rushing to the Preen sample sale”

what they say “I can’t return Look 22 just yet as I am planning on re-shooting it for the cover” what they mean “I borrowed that dress last night for dinner with my banker boyfriend and it stinks of cigarettes/has ash on it/spilled red wine on it”

Chris Von Wangenheim for Harpers Bazaar

About these ads
5 Comments leave one →
  1. March 28, 2010 6:08 pm

    I’m having a good giggle at this :)

  2. March 28, 2010 6:31 pm

    Oh this just made Sunday for me, and I thank you for it.

  3. March 28, 2010 7:00 pm

    Hae didnt realize you added me to your blogroll! Thanks!

  4. March 29, 2010 9:52 am

    In all honesty, re: model bullshit, it wouldn’t take that large a model to strain the seams of a sample size. And so true re: Armani, They must have major power as advertisers if they can keep the press saying anything at all about their collections these days, they’ve been boring as fuck for years.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: